I'm her Boyfriend
I'm his Girlfriend
I'm a Father
I'm a Mother
I'm Still Single.
Why is singleness still?
Why is it an automatic label of discontentment?
Why does singleness have a feeling and reputation of being chained in a room with no way out. A holding cell for the “not chosen”, the “less fortunate”, the “unlovable”, the ones with warning labels that look complicated compared to the ones over there.
There is so much pride taken in being something to someone else. I love being a daughter, belonging to parents and them being mine. I enjoy being a friend to my friends. The sense of belonging and welcoming I feel in these fragile spaces. I have a place within these spheres.
But yet, “sill single”. It screams louder than thunder and shines brighter than a pimple on picture day. Still single, ripples of the tongues of grandparents, old friends, and mentors. Your still single? It is an honest question and natural wonder. It is the still that trips me up. What is so bad about being single?
The only bad thing, that gets me every time, is the way everyone else is discontent with what my life looks like; how it moves and flows.
Why am I not supposed to have pride in where I am at, no matter what it looks like?
Do I struggle with loneliness, yes.
Do I struggle with temptation, yes.
Do I sometimes want to settle for less, yes.
Do I sometimes doubt my life, yes.
Am I discontent, at times yes.
But just because I am not where I hope to be at moments, does not mean I am not proud of where I am today. The not yet or never will bes are real wonders, but they do not compare to the beauty of who I am becoming now.
Still single, sure, but I promise you it is not still by any measure. Circumstances can look stuck and bland to the naked eye, but beyond the surface there is a raging ocean. Still does not have to be connected to single, just as “stillness” does not have to be attached to being stuck, unfulfilled, or unwanted.
I will never have it all or be without struggles. I am single and maybe one day I’ll be someone to someone else, just as I am a daughter and friend, but maybe I won’t.
What is your “still” label?
Maybe you are still childless.
Maybe you are still a student.
Maybe you are still an assistant.
Maybe you are still unemployed.
Maybe you are sill the backup plan.
Maybe you are still dating.
Maybe you are still sick.
Whatever it is. I can only share that where you are is not without a window, there is hope. There is a maybe in the not yet, but there is also an invitation in the “no”.
Is God good, even if I do not get what takes me beyond my without?
It is a hard question, that opens up so much more than expected.
For me the answer is yes. God is good, even still, He is good.
In this moment I am “still” a lot of things. It frustrates people. It is kind of fun to not fit their mold, but frustrating when I realize how I have let the outside dictate how I view my one wild life.
So to all the “stills”, you are not a burden. Just as every role in life has abundant joy within it, so do you. Just as every part of life has darkness, so do you.
There is nothing “still” about you. You are so much more, than what people see or wonder. There is no chain shackled to you, no limitation to what God can do with you when you are still.