I Saw You: A Poem

Aware for the first time,
You are not who I thought.
On the outside you parade
Inside you hide away.

Distance reveals the truth.
Your heart desires what is fake,
An image no one can fit,
A life lived by your standards.

I am thankful today that I saw you.
I wanted your approval for so long,
I know now I will never have it
It is impossible to get to your love.

I used to dream, about being part of your family.
Big if,
But even if
I do not know if I could do it.

I do not know if I am strong enough
To love, in the face of your judgment.
Still the hope lingers back and forth,
I lean on Godโ€™s grace.

A love I thought I wanted,
Affection I never had,
Your eyes pierce me.
For the first time, I see your mess. 

- Hannah